Rainbow unicorn onesie and ringing those bells! #cancer #breastcancer #cancerjourney #chemotherapy

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Ringing the bell to signal you are done with chemo is full of mixed emotions. There is joy at being done. And sadness for those that are not quite there yet or just beginning. There is gratitude for having made it through and fear of (what if I have to do it all again). There is some pride for being as strong as I needed to be…and finding more courage when I thought I ran out. And a little bit of a feeling of being lost now that I don’t have to show up each week. I’ll miss the treatment room nurses. And I hope I never see them in this way again. Cancer is complicated.

5 long months. Feels like a year. And at the same time I know it is only a drop in the bucket. The woman across from me today was saying this is her second go round with chemo. 9 months she has been fighting. Radiation sandwiched between heavy rounds of chemo drugs. Cancer is so complex.

Today I rang the bell. And as I was editing this video I chose this song. Created by an artist that is currently on hospice for cancer. She signed all the rights for this song over to her 7 year old son. This is her legacy for him. Cancer is unfair.

Now as I sit at home I am moving between tears of gratitude, pride, a deep sadness and incredible joy. Cancer will break you down and crack you open. The only way to tackle it is through the mud and muck and the worst bits of it all. I am grateful to be where I am and so aware of those that are fighting with everything they’ve got to see tomorrow. Cancer is both and.
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